Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need to sanitize my soul.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
