OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize