pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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