No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
