Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
