so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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