Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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