Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have aggressive nipples.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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