dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
