He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
