Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
