Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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