drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
