I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
