The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize