dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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