Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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