I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize