if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize