i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
