Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
