11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize