if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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