mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she looked like the before picture.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
