party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
