Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
