omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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