what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
