I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
