sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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