By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
