If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
