so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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