I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
