why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
