Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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