What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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