hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
