I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
