Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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