We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
