I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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