A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
