The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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