I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
