Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
