better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
