an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
