worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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