I want to have your abortion
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
