some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
