would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize