Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
