Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
