Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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