Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize