She's JV to your varsity
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
