Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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